I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
