Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
