You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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