The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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