My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
