u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
