he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
