did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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