They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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