so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
