bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
