Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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