he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
