I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
