i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
