I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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