At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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