Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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