"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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