She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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