you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
