theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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