New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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