Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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