Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
