Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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