I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
