Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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