The maid of honor just puked.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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