just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
