shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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