Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
