Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
