You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
