I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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