I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
