i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
honey bunches of taint.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
