I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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