saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my shit smells like andre
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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