Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
