one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
