on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize