I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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