Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
