I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
