college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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