im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
