So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
