Are we in a gay sports bar?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
