My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
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The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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