she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
