He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
