Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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