In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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