I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
