i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
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at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
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The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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