You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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