Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
