So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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