carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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