Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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