she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
