STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Randomize
