he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
