My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
