he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
