At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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