he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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