How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize