Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
NoShamevember. You game?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
