He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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