I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
