Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
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All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
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It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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