I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
