my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
