my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
