You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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