We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
