I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
