I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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