I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
