Porn is love you can see.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Bring me that man meat
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
