Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
