after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize