Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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